I really enjoyed staying in Seminyak. I enjoyed the fact that we managed to book a really nice hotel, on a really good deal, for four nights. I enjoyed the lovely warm welcome from the staff, I enjoyed the breakfast that was included in the price and I enjoyed the anticipation of what Seminyak had to offer. What I didn’t enjoy, was the fact that the we somehow ended up staying in a hotel that was an hour and a half walk away from Seminyak Square (the main reason anyone would want to visit Seminyak). What sort of idiot books a hotel without looking at where it is first? When we got told, “You two will love Seminyak, it’s your sort of vibe”, I didn’t imagine we’d be staying on the side of a road, where the best selling points were the McDonald’s at one end, or a stall selling petrol, chicken and misery at the other. Being the stubborn, 20 year-old, incredibly-intelligent male that I am, I decided that instead of paying a fortune (£2) for a taxi, we could instead walk the distance. Brilliant idea, now we’re grumpy, sweaty and grumpy. There’s also a limit to how many times you can refuse to buy fluorescent green bracelets from three year old Indonesian children on the way there. I understand it’s only three American dollars, but if I wanted to feel like I was at a ten year old’s disco, I’d gatecrash a ten year old’s disco. But thanks for the offer.

Once we eventually brushed aside the small children and sweat from our eyes and made it into central Seminyak, we couldn’t help but agree that it was our sort of place. After walking for that length of time, we finally ended up in a coffee shop called ‘The Library’, which for the two most antisocial people in Bali, seemed like the perfect place to sit and read, and not talk to people, which we do very well. We went back to the same cafe three times, and probably said about ten words to each other across all three trips, so it was a pretty good way to spend our time.

Taxi drivers are also an issue in Seminyak, as they either honk their horns at you as they drive past, shout at you whenever you look at them or offer you cocaine when you walk past. I’ve become immune to the first two, but the latter was a new one. It’s a shame he got to us so late, because we’d already been offered Valium outside the local supermarket, so we had no need to take him up on his offer. He seemed like a nice (terrifying) man, so I wish him all the best in his endeavours.

After walking down to the nearest beach, which was appropriately filthy, we decided to go and get cocktails in one of the nice restaurants that was close by. We were unsure as to whether or not “Buy Two Cocktails and Get One” meant that we got an extra for free, or that we had to pay for two and only got to drink one, so we quickly came to the conclusion that we should order three mojitos just to be safe. After three mojitos, a glass of marshmallow lemonade and two plates of potato wedges, we staggered (yes staggered because we’re lightweights okay) home, with my weak bladder shouting at me the whole way back, because apparently two drinks is two drinks too many. I managed to brush past our friendly local drug dealer and the young salespeople (the bracelets were still ugly even going in the opposite direction) and made it to the hotel without an unfortunate incident, just in case you were wondering. The next day we decided to mix it up a little, and walked all the way into Seminyak, went to ‘The Library’, strolled along to the beach, and went to a restaurant and ordered three mojitos and a marshmallow lemonade. Like I’ve mentioned, we’re terrible creatures of habit.

Seminyak was so nice that we decided to book an extra two nights after our initial four nights were up, but chose instead to stay in a hotel a little closer to the city centre. The hotel itself (Dafam Savvoya) was a lovely four star hotel in prime position with regards to the most interesting parts of Seminyak. I would like to clarify that as Paige and I (mainly me) are incredibly tight, this four star hotel was only £19 a night, otherwise we would have been staying somewhere else, for example, definitely not there. The money that we saved on the room, we spent on an ‘All you can eat pasta night’ at the hotel, which was possibly the most basic, oily and unfulfilling meal I’ve ever consumed in my life. Lovely.

Seminyak definitely left its mark on me, as being the most/least touristy, most/least developed and most/least enjoyable place we stayed in. Exactly. It’s unfair to say that I didn’t enjoy Seminyak, but I will admit that I didn’t enjoy my stupidity in booking a hotel as far away as possible from the actual place that we wanted to stay.